music for the soul? well mine at least....

My current playlist consists of:
Avalanche: Matt Good
Never too late: Michael Franti and Spearhead
Uprising: Muse
Already Yours: Bahamas
Dead end countdown: New Cities
I've got friends: Manchester Orchestra
Perfect: Mariana's Trench
Love me dead: Ludo
Feel good drag: Anberlin
If you're wondering if I want you to: Weezer
Ignorance: Paramore

The early days

Its funny how for the last 2 years I have been encouraged to dream and mentally design my first classroom only to in the end be put in a space that is the complete opposite of what my desires were. Part of me wanted to cry when I saw what I had to work with but the other part of me just did not care because it is what you make of it and it allowed for me to get back to the drawing board and spend the next 2 months reimagining. Walking back on that first day sent me back though into the resentment of not being able to carry out my dreams of how I wanted to teach, the Reggio feeling I desired in my space and the hopes I had for this utopian classroom. Instead, I instantly became a surrogate parent, social worker and therapist. What had I got myself into? Did the last 2 years of my life prepare me for this? Hell no.

Milling around the front of the school while children asked if I was their teacher for the year I felt eerily calm. Almost like this is where I was meant to be. The day went smoothly and I had no fears that I could not do this. It is only now that I have found myself in the place of second guessing what I know and I believe is to be true. I don’t like this space I am in. With that said however, I am eager to go back each and everyday to see what the next ripple is that is going to be thrown at me. Will it be another parent threatening to assault me? Make inappropriate passes at me? Was one of my children abused again last night? Why has this child not been here for the 5 days? Did anyone feed this poor child? I must say through all of this I am proud that I have not let it absorb me. I have tried to adopt the philosophy of as long as they are with me they are fed, warm and safe. Mind you I think it is inevitable to think I can maintain this front. I feel for these children who have witnessed abuse, murders, violence and hunger. It had allowed for me to count my blessings and be grateful for EVERYTHING whether it be positive or not because at the end of the day I am safe, warm, fed and loved.